Every Step to Tomorrow
by thatblue
Summary: The Doctor decides that he can't go on without Donna. He has to have her back.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just my idea of what would happen if the Doctor decided that he didn't want to go on without Donna. Starts out dark, but gets better.**

He hadn't told her he loved her. That wasn't the first time he had made the mistake, but it was possibly…no, it was most certainly the most painful time. He had stood there at her side, helpless.

He had been forced to go into her mind and steal from her. A mind so precious to him he never would have considered it if the circumstances weren't so cruel.

He hadn't stolen her, no she was fine. Back on Earth Donna Noble was still fire embodied. She was still an outer shell of stone protecting a heart of light. No, he had stolen himself away from her.

He had stolen every adventure, small and large. He took every moment, every quiet night in the TARDIS. He withdrew everything, all the times that made up the thousand moments he should have told her loved her from the moment he realized it until the moment that he lost her.

She didn't have to hurt because she didn't have to remember. She had looked through him when he left that night, and walking back to the TARDIS soaked in rain he died.

He had really tried to keep going. He thought of places to go, both new and old, and a few he even managed to make himself go to. But when he got there, when he stepped onto that planet or moon, the first thing he did was reach for her hand. When he found nothing but air he fell all over again.

He just couldn't do it anymore. He hadn't left the TARDIS in weeks. He had tried everything. He was caught up on the maintenance. All the stuff that had actually needed done, not just the off handed habitual tinkering that he did.

He wasn't sleeping. He hadn't really since that first night when he left her, and then only because the emotional strain caught up to him. Since then it had only been scattered minutes, when he blinked too long. He wasn't eating well either. Only when he remembered, or passed a kitchen, this was usually at the same time.

The TARDIS had taken to humming her concern for him constantly, and the mirror had become an enemy that showed his distress. So now he avoided mirrors and ignored the TARDIS as much as he could do.

Thinking of her wasn't going to bring her back. Donna was lost to him.

The Doctor had bought aspirin a couple of days ago, had sat in the kitchen for hours holding the bottle tightly in his hand. In the end he could hear Donna's voice plain as day, telling him that he couldn't do it.

He got rid of the bottle, and thanked her. She was saving his life even now.

Only it wasn't worth it. He wasn't alive. He was just the shell, something that used to be a man. His hearts beat because they hadn't found a medical reason not to, his lungs breathing because it was expected.

No, this wasn't living, this was just life.

He could make this pain stop. He could steal her from him, as he had stolen him from her. He would never have to remember her name again, and with that he wouldn't have to hurt.

But to do that he would have to erase the man she made him. The man who had learned to take a step back and think about his actions and the man she had told that he didn't have to be strong all the time. She told him that she was there to catch him. Only she wasn't now.

He knew that he couldn't go back. Even now all he wanted to be was the man who would make her proud. But he couldn't do this anymore; he couldn't do this and survive.

He had all of time and space, and they were now just a gift he didn't want. They had become nothing more than an idea and a destination. Just things without her.

All he wanted was her arms around him, her friendly smile. To hear her say his name, with the softest layer of affection, and it would melt him.

He knew what he had to do.

Hours later he was standing at a doorstep, knocking. Wilf opened the door, his face surprise that melted into concern. The Doctor knew how he looked –he had to face the mirror to shave- but his appearance couldn't hold a candle to how bad he was damaged inside.

"Sylvia and Donna aren't here," Wilf confirmed.

The Doctor let out a breath of relief. "May I come in?"

Wilf nodded moving out of the way. In the kitchen he was served tea, but he wasn't able to drink much of it.

"Are you all right?" Wilf asked concern for him so clear it hurt.

He couldn't even say always. Instead he explained what these last few weeks had been like for him, and what he needed.

"Will you help me?"

Wilf reached across the table and patted his hand, his eyes misty. "Of course I will. Of course. Can you do something for her though, her memories?"

"I'll try," the Doctor told him, knowing that it was probably a lost cause. But he would keep his word to Wilf. "Right now I just need Donna."

Will nodded again. "She can't know who you are."

The Doctor agreed. "I'll be John Smith I suppose."

"Okay," he glanced at the clock. "Sylvia will be home soon."

That was his cue to leave, he thanked Wilf thought he didn't have a any idea how to find Donna.

"Wait," Wilf stood. He dug out a pen and a paper and wrote quickly. "This is where Donna will be eating tonight. You can find her there at five."

He looked at the paper for a long while before he folded it and slid it into his pocket. "Thank you."

"Doctor," was all Wilf said, pulling him into a tight embrace.

It was the first hug he had had in weeks. He let it linger, fighting tears of his own. This was what love felt like, he had been missing it.

"Come tomorrow at three?" Wilf asked.

The Doctor promised. He left before he could be caught, retracing his steps to the TARDIS. He felt better than he had in all that time. He had a date.


	2. Chapter 2

He tried to nap, but it didn't happen. He was too excited to see her. And he was far too worried about how he was going to get her to talk to him. He was going to be coming in as John Smith, not the Doctor. What did John Smith bring to the table? He already loved her, but she couldn't know that yet. He would do anything for her, anything, but he would have to keep that under wraps as well.

He didn't want to scare her off.

He fixed his hair over and over, somewhat hoping great hair would help distract from the fact that he looked like he had been dragged through the lower parts of hell.

And hadn't he just.

He finally landed near the restaurant, he was early but he went ahead and got a table.

"Right this way, Mr. Smith," the man told him, leading him to a table.

He sat down near the window, not the best seat perhaps, but he would be able to see Donna when she came. His hearts were beating frantically in his chest, but he felt alive. It was amazing what a couple hours could do. Well, a couple of hours, and the chance to see Donna.

That was the biggest step.

He ordered lightly, he knew that he should eat, but he just couldn't yet. He needed to see her, to know that he could spend time in her life, before he stood of chance of caring about himself again. She was his life line, his only reason.

He sipped his soup, counting down the minutes and then the seconds till five. At five exactly he dropped the spoon, and watched the door. It was minutes before she showed, the longest minutes of his life, but then he saw here. She was dressed in a black skirt and pretty blue blouse, it brought out her eyes. She was at the door, talking with a small group of woman, laughing and smiling.

He felt a pang of jealously. He was jealous that she was able to smile without him in her life, but he couldn't. If she remembered though, he doubted that would be the same. By some mercy, some kindness in the universe, she was sat down by him.

He tried not to stare, but he knew that he was failing. And it was rude to eavesdrop, but wasn't that just what he was doing.

"He's horrible," Donna told a pretty blond next to her. She deepened her voice. "I don't need any sugar, long as you are around. Blech."

The women laughed and the blond responded, "I'd get him for it, if he wasn't so high up."

"That doesn't scare me," Donna told her. The Doctor smiled, but caught himself.

If she looked now she would either think the man by the window was crazy and smiling at his soup, or that he was listening to the women. Either way she might say something. He took a slurp from the spoon, the kind she would have called him out on. He didn't do it on purpose…well, maybe he did.

He could feel her eyes on him, but he looked out the window, hoping she would return to her discussion. He planned to talk to her, he just hadn't decided how yet. He could see her rejecting his attention even if he didn't look a little rough.

At least he had on a suit, and he was shaven. Still, the nap wouldn't have been amiss.

"What are you having?" One of the women asked, but the Doctor didn't know which. He was too sacred to look. Or eat, his spoon lay in the soup.

Donna didn't answer, "Oi, mate."

It took the Doctor a moment to realize she was speaking to him and he turned his head. She smiled a little, more gentle then he thought she would give a stranger. "You seem to be enjoying your soup, what kind is it?"

Kind? Um, how could she expect him to think of such a trivial fact when she was right there? She was close enough to see the green in the center of her irises, and certainly close enough to smell. Warm and calming.

Soup? Ha! But she was talking to him, and he needed her to not think he was a loony. "Broccoli cheddar," he finally chocked out.

She nodded, and he looked away again. Why, oh why, couldn't he have just been smooth about it? Like she was going to want to talk to him now.

His hearts dropped again. He wasn't usually such a quitter but without her as hope he didn't have the fight.

"Are you waiting on someone?" Her voice hit him gently, with a hint of warmth. It almost sounded like she cared.

He looked back, and managed a smile he hoped wasn't creepy. "No, just me."

She nodded and looked at the women. "Care to join us?"

The women all nodded, and he felt tears creep into his eyes. She was asking him, for all purposes a stranger, to eat with her. Heart of light, she had.

"Don't want to be a bother," he lied. Oh, he wanted to be a bother. If that meant he could be close to her, he wanted nothing more.

"Come sit, before I change my mind. And leave that soup there, you need real food."

He nodded and risked a little cheek. "Yes ma'am."

She just smiled, "Smart, listing to what I tell you. Why are you so skinny anyways, don't you eat?"

He didn't answer, just sit in the chair next to her, and tried his hardest not to scoot any closer. This was a gift, and he couldn't ruin it.

She apparently didn't really expect him to answer because she sat about introducing everyone at the table. They all worked for the same company, secretaries.

"And I am Donna Noble," she offered her hand.

He took it, and the feeling nearly made him pass out. It was so strong, like coming home after being gone for years. She must have felt it too, because her eyes misted up and she blinked them away.

"John Smith," he told them all.

"John," she repeated and looked away.

He couldn't help it, he gently touched her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

He had expected her to bristle, but she simply nodded. "Yes, so tell us about yourself, John."

He closed his eyes, and began to talk. He breathed her in, and let out the hearts ache. She was here, and she was so real. That was enough for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I will be updating my other stories soon, but this one seems to be what my brain wants me to write right now.**

Donna watched him in wonder. He looked and spoke with a softness that implied he was baring his very soul, but she somehow knew that he was only talking. She suspected that if he were to bare his soul, the other women at the table- not her, though she couldn't explain why- would be upset.

She knew that there was much darkness in his past, and his eyes held depths that couldn't mask a violent storm. But she wasn't afraid.

How could it be that she understood that he would never hurt her?

When he looked at her, when his eyes weren't closed in concentration, it was with warmth that made her breath hitch. It was almost a look of love.

And he seemed so familiar, like a forgotten friend. Yet, she had never seen him before; there was no memory to explain the way she felt when they had touched.

It had only been for a moment, but it was like coming home. No, beyond that. It was like finding home when you have been nothing but a wanderer. She had never really been a wanderer though, even in that amount of time her memories were fuzzy she felt like she had been close to home.

He had the table captured with tales that couldn't scratch the surface of who he was, she knew. He avoided certain discussions carefully but with concern. He wouldn't talk about women but when Katy had asked his eyes misted up and he changed the subject.

A love lost perhaps? It broke her heart to see him like that.

He looked like he wasn't eating, or sleeping. The circles under his warm eyes were dark and heavy. Had that pain he was feeling, that he was trying to hide, been so recent?

She shouldn't be thinking of him like this, shouldn't be wondering if he was ready to move on. It wasn't fair to him, she didn't even understand his loss, but she was wondering. She wanted to spend more time with him, drawn to him like she couldn't justify.

It was the reason she kept him talking, watching his face for words and topics to avoid. At the slightest hesitance she veered in a different course and every time he smiled just a little, and looked grateful. What had happened to this poor man that small acts of kindness made him misty eyed?

She wanted to pull him to her, gently stroke his wild hair. She wanted to tell him that he wasn't alone, and that he never would be. But she couldn't. She didn't know him, and that wasn't her place. She wasn't who it would take to heal his heart; she was just Donna Noble, the woman who didn't ever do anything with her life.

But she couldn't bear for the conversation to end, even when her friends began to grow weary and the restaurant staff began to linger. How long had they been here? He didn't seem to want to leave, and she didn't want him to either.

DW

She was pouring out light and comfort. It was a cascade of hope, and she couldn't even know that she was doing it.

He couldn't bear to let this moment end so he talked. He couldn't really share much of his real life, so he told light stories. He told stories of simple times, even a few from his life on Gallifrey when he was younger. He had to change a few details but that wasn't hard to do. He was good at lying.

And these light stories freed up much of his mind to think of other things. While his mouth ran his mind reflected.

It never failed to amaze and sadden him that something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy could happen to your best friend. You could wish someone nothing but a lifetime of happiness and they have nothing but despair.

You could have someone safe within your arms only to have them be ripped away. What kind of message did that send to such a soul as his? He was old enough to know that life wasn't fair. It was often cruel and it took and took until there was nothing left but the man he was in her absence.

But she was here, and she didn't seem bothered by him. She was redirecting the conversation, helping him to avoid subjects he wasn't ready to face. Any subject that could lead to her.

He wondered if she would view this as a betrayal. This lying, pretending to be another man just to be near her, or would she understand? If he was able to bring back her memories in days, weeks, years, however long it took, would she accept him back?

Or would she hate him for the lies, because he had to hide from her not only himself but the woman she had been able to be with him.

He couldn't stop though, not now. Not when he was the center of her universe, and he was, she was looking at only him. He knew there were still others at the table, and even though the restaurant was full still, they were alone.

The universe only existing for two.

For him it wasn't new, just missed. She had always made him feel important, without giving him an ego. He had always tried to do the same for her; even now he couldn't stop it. He couldn't bear for her to think for one moment she was anything less than brilliant.

She could bring a Time Lord to his knees, with joy and sadness and no ordinary person could do that.

"Are you all right, John?" she asked, and he realized he had stopped talking.

He blushed and looked at her. He nodded, and poked at the leftover food on his plate. She had coaxed him gently to eat about half of it. That was a start.

"It's getting late," she told him, gently. She reached out, almost touching his arm but stopping short. It was all he could do not to close the gap.

Late? She wanted, or probably needed, to leave. To leave him, to be exact. His moment of reprieve was coming to end, and it was back to an empty TARDIS.

Back to emptiness.

"I'm not busy tomorrow night," he heard her tell him.

It took a moment, but he understood what she was offering. She was giving him an in, and even if she meant nothing but friendship he could work with that.

"Would you like to go on a-"he choked on the word. What if she said no?

She was already scribbling on a paper. "This is my address; I'll be ready at seven."

He smiled, and she stood. He did as well. His Donna, taking charge, and he would make sure to never make her regret this chance.

"Get some sleep, John," the way she said it wasn't casual. It was a command. If he was a stranger he probably would have missed it, but he wasn't. It felt good to be under the blanket of someone's concern.

"You too," he told her, feeling like he was soaring.

She leaned in, "I mean it," she pulled back. "See you tomorrow. Six on the dot."

She was walking away, but not out of his life. Not for good. He had a chance, and he had a plan. He would be exactly what she needed. He would be a man who she could fall in love with.

"Yes, Ma'am," he called to her back and was rewarded with a smile that could have melted snow.

She stepped out into the night; he could see her talking with her friends. He waited until they were out of sight and then left. He made it back to the TARDIS. First sleep, and then tomorrow he had work to do.


	4. Chapter 4

He used the sonic on the lock of the door that lead to the second bedroom. He figured it would be easier to explain a locked door than it would be to explain a police box.

It was still early in the day, but he had already gotten himself a flat, which was just for show, and a real car. It was amazing what you could do with money.

And he had money. He had only touched one of his accounts, but it should be enough to have him set for quite a long time.

He had been tempted to use the psychic credit card, leaving the money untouched, but he had no idea how long he might be stationary.

It had the potential to be to the end of Donna's life, if he couldn't fix things otherwise, and he thought eventually the credit card might lead to trouble.

He might have to be John Smith for a very long time, and he wanted to play the part well.

He decided to be a 'wealthy investor' mostly because he thought it would be generic enough. He didn't want a lot of emphasis put onto what he did in Donna's absence. Because when he wasn't with her, he intended to be in the TARDIS trying to find a way to bring life to the promise he had made to Wilf.

He looked down at his watch, confirming what he knew. He had three hours until he was meant to meet Wilf, and while he could just jump ahead with the TARDIS he was going to have to work on doing things according to the slow path.

Until Donna was healed there would be no jumping ahead, or rewinding. At least that was the goal, he had no idea if it would actually drive him insane or not.

To fill the long hours he decided to nap. He had slept some last night, but he had a month to try to make up for, and he thought more hours might help Donna feel better about his appearance tonight.

He dreamed of Donna, but it wasn't a nightmare. It didn't have to hurt to see her now, not now that she was really around.

He told her that he loved her, and she called him Spaceman. Maybe it was a nightmare…in the sense that she might never say those words again.

He rose in a slight panic, but at least he didn't need to waste more time.

He fixed his mussed hair, urging his hearts to slow back down. There was no life without her, not that he could see, so if this was all he ever had again it would be enough. Wherever Donna was, whatever she called him, he was home.

He showed up at three, and Wilf opened the door before he could knock. He welcomed him in.

When they were sat at the kitchen table he drank his tea with revived enthusiasm. It tasted better than it had in so long.

"You look better," Wilf commented with a smile. "It went well?"

The Doctor nodded, "Yes, we have a date tonight."

Wilf grinned, "Good for you, son. Good for her too. She hasn't been the same since you left her here."

The Doctor frowned, "She seemed happy."

Could it have been that she was hurting as well, and that she just couldn't understand why? He wouldn't have wished that on her, he thought he had given her the chance to be free.

"Oh, she is," he agreed. "Just not sometimes. Sometimes she is so sad, and you can tell she doesn't know why. She misses you, Doctor."

"She can't," he told him. "She doesn't remember."

"She doesn't have to remember to know that she is missing out on something important. To know that she is missing someone that she loved."

Donna had loved him? Like he had loved her? "Loved?"

Wilfs smile was sadder now, "I told her she should just tell you, but she said you didn't do that sort of thing."

Donna had been wrong, but it had been his fault by acting like he didn't. For all their closeness he had still held a part of him at arms distance. This news only served to hurt him.

How much time had they wasted that they could have loved each other? He felt a sense of real hope though. If she had loved him as the Doctor, maybe she could love him as John. Maybe he didn't need time and space to have her heart. Maybe he would still be enough.

They chatted a little longer, and then he took his leave. Wilf paused at the door. "She always visits on Saturday. Maybe she will bring you along."

He sounded hopeful, and the Doctor agreed. Walking to his car he smiled. He would love to see Sylvia's face if that happened. She wouldn't say anything in front of Donna of course, but he would be in for some trouble.

Donna was worth it.

DW

Donna looked at the clock again. The day was taking an eternity to be done, and she thought her boss might have noticed her sudden attachment to the clock. She almost didn't care.

She couldn't think of the last time she was this interested in a date. She tried to remember that he was broken. That he had lost someone and she didn't make a good replacement, but all she could do is remember his smile.

Especially the smile when she had accepted his date. He beamed at her, and she could look past the exhaustion he carried with him.

He looked like a man she dreamed about. Could he literally be the man of her dreams? Oh, she was getting a little cheesy. What was this John doing to her? She was hardly a hopeless romantic, she had been hurt enough to know what love was often. Trouble.

He seemed different. Such darkness inside, but not the dangerous kind. The kind of darkness that showed someone who was so lost they didn't think they had a chance to be found. But when he spoke he was something else.

He was funny and smart, and he was light. He was bursting with it. John was a contradiction. He was opposing forces. One threatening to drown him, the other keeping him afloat, and she wondered if maybe she could help the light win.

He looked like he deserved it.

"Ready to leave?" her friend, Emma asked her.

Donna smiled. "Can you tell?"

Emma grinned. "I think the whole office can. Big plans tonight?"

Donna tried not to blush, "Just a date."

"Must be an interesting man, I don't think I've ever seen you blush. Or smile like that."

Emma had hit a truth. A lot of times her smile was fake. She too was fighting a battle. She didn't understand the enemy but she knew that she often felt empty. Like something so big and important had happened, and she couldn't remember what it was.

Sometimes she cried, and it was for someone whose name she didn't know.

"He is," Donna finally agreed.

When the day finally ended, she rushed to her flat. She had no idea where John lived, but she had told him seven on the dot. She had an hour and a half.

Taking a quick shower, she looked herself over in the mirror. She was thinner than she had been in the past. She had only started eating well again, and she jogged most days. She didn't remember developing enjoyment in it, but she knew that she did.

The time was all her own, and it did something to the emptiness. Running, for whatever reason, made her feel like she was complete again.

She was just finishing when she heard the knock. She looked at her watch. It was seven exactly. Good boy.

She answered the door.


	5. Chapter 5

He felt his hearts skip a beat when he saw her. She was wearing a deep blue dress, the color of the TARDIS, her fire hair resting against the pale skin of her shoulders.

She was smiling slightly, and he fought to take a breath. She looked so much the same, but different as well. He thought she might be skinnier, but her weight had never mattered to him. He would love her no matter what.

"John," she smiled at him more brightly. He could have been looking at the birth of a star for how it made him feel.

"Donna," he greeted, "you look so beautiful."

He didn't say like always, at least not aloud.

The night went well, they ate a dinner and he acted the part of not knowing her. It was interesting to learn what she had been doing in his absence. Wilf was right he noticed, sometimes when she spoke he could see the sense in her. Like she could tell something was missing, she just couldn't imagine what.

He hated that him leaving her with no memories hadn't been enough to be able to stop that hurt for her. He had been able to take comfort in that when he had nothing else, and now he found out it was a lie.

For his part he told her all about his made up life. He felt like such a liar, but that wasn't a change. She had known he lied back then, though he really did try to keep it to a minimum when he was with her.

Most of his lies were due to pretending that he didn't want to take their relationship to a different level. The lies he was telling now tore him apart, but the thought of not having this chance made him want to die.

So lie he did. She seemed to accept it all, but why wouldn't she? Why would a man make up a whole life?

They were sitting on a bench overlooking a pond. She was quiet and he hoped that he hadn't done something wrong. She was so close; he could feel her warmth seeping through his layers. He didn't get cold, not like Humans did, but he felt like he was freezing everywhere she wasn't touching.

"John," Donna's voice cut through the night around them. He looked over at her, her eyes reflecting moonlight in a familiar way.

There was something extra beautiful about her bathed in the light of a moon. He had taken her to a lot of places just to see that sight towards the end. He wondered if she had ever noticed. If she had she probably wouldn't have wanted to call him out on it. She probably thought he didn't even notice that he was doing it.

"Yes, Donna?"

It felt so good to let his lips form her name without it bringing fresh tears to his eyes.

"What was she like?"

He raised his eyebrows, "What was who like?"

She was approaching this carefully, he could tell. Was she asking about herself? Of course, she couldn't know that it was her.

"What was she like, that woman that you lost?"

Always getting him to talk. She didn't even have to try hard; just something about her tone soothed him into spilling. He thought about it, making his face take on a far off look.

"She was amazing, like fire and light. She taught me to be a better man."

Donna was nodding gently, encouragingly. "What was her name?"

He should have stopped himself, thought of a different name but his mouth spoke before he could filter it. "Donna."

She narrowed her eyes, "Is going on a date with me some sick game of yours? I'm not interested into replacing anyone."

He shook his head, kicking himself. "No, no, it's not like that. I like you; I don't want you to replace anyone."

He could say it honestly. She couldn't replace herself after all.

She settled down a little, though she was still keeping a close eye on him. "Good, because I'm not that kind of girl."

He took a risk, wanting to see her smile. "What kind of girl are you?"

He was rewarded at once, "Stick around, maybe you will find out."

Oh, he would stick around. There was nowhere in this whole universe he would rather be. Donna in the moonlight. That was the universe at this moment.

Then he was walking her home, except he wasn't sure his feet touched the ground. He had never been so in love that he felt like he was floating, but he did now.

At her doorstep he stopped, unsure of if it was okay to try for a kiss.

"Goodnight, John," she said, "call me?"

"Yes," he agreed quickly. He would call her the second he left if he didn't know that it would seem desperate. He wasn't looking forward to returning to his flat, but knowing that he would see her again soon would help.

She started to turn, "It's okay to say no, but I have this family thing tomorrow. I know we hardly know each other, but if you like you could come."

"I'd love to," he told her. Tomorrow sounded great. Only a few hours and then he would be back within her warm glow. He would be home again. "I'll pick you up?"

"Sure, be here at eleven."

He nodded, and she turned again. He reached for her, knowing that this might be a horrible idea but not doing it seemed worse. When he touched her arm she stopped, turning back.

He reached out for her, resting his hands against her face gently. He leaned in; hoping she wouldn't stop him, and kissed her lips gently. It didn't last long, but if he thought touching her again had been amazing this was more.

He felt shaky, and his breath was struggling to come out normal.

She took a small step back, and he was pleased to see her in the same state. She took in a deep breath and then smiled. "See you tomorrow, John. You better be here."

"Try to stop me," he told her.

She waved and entered her flat, closing the door. It was only when he heard her heading upstairs that he turned and left.

That kiss had made him wonder. If he didn't know better he would say there was something Time Lady about her. It was like they were actually completing each other, nothing like the when Humans said it.

No, when Gallifreyans did it, it was real. Every empty spot in a person was filled; it was the most perfect feeling in the universe.

He was filled with renewed hope, and rushed inside to work. Well, a few hours of sleep he still needed, and then he would work. He was going to get his Donna back. Try to stop him.


	6. Chapter 6

Donna awoke in a wonderful mood, her mind full of a certain John Smith. His name was rubbish, not that she would tell him, but he was wonderful. Kind and he looked at her like she was this amazing person. It was almost enough for her to be able to see what he saw.

She was humming to her mirror image, feeling like she hadn't felt in so long. Well, she couldn't even remember the last time she had felt this good. Perhaps it was during that time that remained forever foggy in her mind.

She couldn't see those moments, but somehow she knew that during them she had been happy. She couldn't explain it, couldn't justify it at all, but she knew.

And John Smith made her that kind of happy.

His brown eyes were full of warmth, even when they were also full of what he lost. This Donna. It was odd that she had the same name, and it had made her worry but his voice was sincere when he had told her that he didn't want her to replace anyone.

She supposed she could look past the same name if it kept her in his presence. He had talked about him, but it felt like he wasn't even scratching the surface. She wondered if he would ever trust her enough to let her see that part of him.

He hid it with bars and walls, and it was so deep she wondered if he had access to it himself. Or if it was just always there, a constant pain he couldn't touch.

She felt like she knew that kind of pain as well.

It had only been an impulse to invite him to their family lunch today, but she was glad that she did. For a while there her mum had been a little nicer, but she reverted back to the old days. Donna was never going to be good enough for her.

She loved her, Donna was certain of that, but she wasn't the ideal daughter. She would probably get a lecture about bringing a new man home, but Donna didn't even think that could damper her mood.

All she had to do was think about that kiss last night and she was beaming. It was so short, way too short, but it also felt like it was stretched to eternity.

She had felt warm, and so…complete…is the only way she could explain it. She might have said she had felt that before but she would have been lying. This was different. Like there was no part of her that was left alone, no part of her that ever had to feel empty again.

Then they parted and the feeling faded rapidly. She almost kissed him again just to feel whole, but she held herself back. It wouldn't do for him to think that she was easy. She wanted this to work, not have it just be a little romp. She didn't think he was the type but she had been wrong before.

She was actually ready early, and she waited on the couch. She was counting down the moments until she could be with him again. It occurred to her she might be falling in love with a man she hardly knew.

DW

The Doctor had slept longer than he intended, and even then had only dragged himself from the bed with the knowledge that even though he was leaving Donna in his dreams he had something better coming.

It was early morning outside of the TARDIS doors, and he had plenty of time to work on a solution. He grabbed a cup of tea, wished Donna was there with him to enjoy it like mornings of the past, and hurried to the library.

Before long the tea was gone, and he had a large number of books spread out across a table. He had on his glasses, even though he had no one to impress. He only fought of the random comments he would normally make. The last thing he needed was a reminder that his TARDIS was empty.

He was distracted too many times by thoughts of what Donna might be doing at that moment, and the memory of her lips on his.

He would be kissing her again, as soon as he felt it was possible. His hearts raced at the mere thought, and his body flowed with chemicals that made him ecstatic.

He was making little progress, finding a reference to a chemical that was found on the planet of Rim, but he didn't think it would do what he was hoping.

He had a theory, and it scared him. He thought he might be able to do it without any outside help, but he wouldn't even fully entertain the idea until he had done more research. He wasn't going to risk Donna for no reason.

Time had flown by, compared to its normal crawl at human pace. He showered and dressed, making the short drive to Donnas'.

When he knocked on her door, she answered so quickly he wondered if she was waiting near the door. She looked beautiful, of course she always did. She was dressed in jeans and a nice blouse, and was glad he had dressed similarly. He wanted to wear the suit he had originally picked out, because those clothes were his armor, but he didn't.

He was determined to fit in. He hoped that he wouldn't have to be John Smith much longer. For Donna he would do it for the rest of her life, but if he had the choice it would come to an end. If he had his way she would remember and take her place back in the TARDIS. There were so many things he still wanted to show her, and it was a crime to keep her on Earth.

She was meant to be out there.

She sat in the car and he waited for her to speak, afraid he would say the wrong thing. He was looking forward to seeing Wilf but dreading Sylvia, sure that a slap was headed his way.

"My mother can be a bit….rough," Donna warned him quietly, almost sounding worried.

There was nothing that could scare him away from her. Not a million slaps. He reached over and gently took her hand into his. She gave it a gently squeeze and he smiled at her. "I'm good with rough, don't you worry."

She relaxed at his words, so willing to fall into a pattern of trust. He told her not to worry, so she saw no reason to.

He didn't tell her that he was worried. He was scared that he might cause Donna the brunt of Sylvia's wrath. If she hurt his Donna there was no way he was going to be able to just sit there, and that worried him as well.

He was a stranger to the family, and what would Donna think of him fighting back. He could only hope that it wouldn't happen at all.

He could play nicely if she could.

When she led them to the door, and Sylvia opened it, his hopes were shattered. She hid her shock well, but it was replaced with a scowl. This wasn't going to go well, he was certain. Donna gave his hand a quick squeeze when Sylvia turned her back and he took in a breath. Anything for Donna, he reminded himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Donna watched John as he ate. He had been fairly quiet but every time she would start to worry he would flash a smile. Her granddad seemed to like him a lot, they acted like old friends. Her mum was glaring. A lot.

She knew that she probably should have called and told her that she was going to be bringing John but she didn't. And maybe it was rude, but she thought in this case it was easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Her mother wasn't going to be happy either way, but at least now he was here.

She liked seeing her family, but she found herself wishing that she and John had just gone somewhere alone. She wanted to hear that low tone he used when it was just the two of them. She wanted him to smile the smile that wasn't big but also wasn't fake.

She felt like he was a different man when it was just the two of them. She knew that she barely knew him but some part of her knew that this was true.

It was as if he trusted her more than the rest of the world. As if he thought maybe she wouldn't run or break if he was him.

Oh, she knew that he was hiding something. Something that she suspected she couldn't know, but she wished she could. She wished she knew why looking at him felt natural. Why his hand in hers felt like it had happened a million times before.

She flexed her hand that was under the table and for some reason it made him look at her. There was that warm smile and she thought maybe he was mimicking her action.

Like their hands were seeking each other.

It was as if they had fought battles together and that was how they coped. By putting all their trust in the other person.

It made no sense, she knew. But that was how she felt.

"What do you do, John?" her mum asked him. This was the first time she had spoken to him directly and it wasn't in a pleasant tone.

Her mum didn't like most people, but it didn't seem as if she was making an effort with John. She opened her mouth to tell her so, only stopping at a very subtle head shake from John. How had he known she was about to lose her temper? Maybe she had a tell.

Either way he answered her question in tone that could have melted butter. Sylvia looked unmoved but Donna felt pretty gooey. "I'm an investor," he smiled big now in what should have been disarming but just made her glare all the more, "I do all right."

"So you can take care of my daughter, John?"

Donna was confused by the tone. The question wasn't that friendly but the tone was nasty. As if she was asking more than she was saying.

She looked to John who was just nodding. Donna was about to protest the need for someone to take care of her.

"I could, but I don't think she needs that. I think she can take care of herself."

He looked Donna in the eye as he said this. She knew that she should think that this was all an act but she didn't think she had ever believed a man this much.

He really thought that.

He really believed in her, and it made her want to hug him. A vote of confidence was rare in this house.

"She sure can," Wilf spoke to John, "but looking out for her wouldn't be wrong."

John nodded, "As long as she will let me."

Donna felt a flutter in her stomach. It seemed like such an odd statement so early in the relationship- if that's what this was- but instead it made her happy.

It seemed to please her protective granddad as well.

"John, will you help me with dessert?" Sylvia asked him.

Donna started to stand but John just shook his head again. It wasn't a command but a suggestion. He was willing to face her mother alone, and Donna sat again.

Why was she so willing to listen to this man?

DW

The Doctor followed Sylvia to the kitchen. He braced himself for words he probably deserved. He had been expecting this all day after all.

Sylvia was a lot of things. And she should be nicer to her daughter that was certain, but the Doctor understood that she loved Donna deeply. She just had no idea how to show it so it came out in unkind words and anger.

But the Doctor could see that love flaring in a protective flame as she turned to face him.

"What are you doing here? Are you out of your mind?"

"It's fine," he insisted, "She doesn't know. She thinks I'm John Smith. I had to see her, Sylvia. I love her."

The last bit made Sylvia pause, but not for long. "If you love her why would you risk her life like this?"

It was cold but and if felt like the slap her hand didn't deliver. Was he so selfish that he would risk Donna? He loved her, and wanted her alive. Maybe he should go? At least until he could find a cure for her, and then he could come back.

"I…" he started but he was cut off.

"You're not going now, so don't even think that. It's too late, she is smitten."

The Doctor couldn't help the faint smile. That was his goal after all. He wanted Donna to love him.

"I'll be careful," he vowed.

Any further discussion was cut short by movement and Sylvia reached over and grabbed the brownie pan. She shoved it into the Doctors hands just as Donna entered the kitchen.

"All right?" Donna asked smiling at him gently.

Even now she was coming to defend him. It didn't matter how small the enemy was, with Donna he was never on his own.

It brought tears to his eyes, and he nodded.

The rest of the afternoon was quiet. Sylvia lost a little of the anger and even said she hope to see him again soon. It sounded a bit like a threat but the Doctor chose to ignore it.

If Donna noticed she didn't say.

When they were in the car his mind wandered. He thought of the open books on the table. About how he wanted to have her all to himself again, and how selfish he had to be to come here in the first place.

But she should be safe if he kept up the act.

He would do anything to keep her safe.

"Are you all right?" Donna asked and she reached over to take his hand.

He glanced at her. They were almost back to her place. Almost back to goodbye, and he gave her a smile. It was fake and she probably could tell, but it was all he could do.

He needed the time, he reminded himself. It was in the moments he wasn't with her that he would be working to have her back forever.

But the TARDIS was quiet and it hurt him.

When they arrived he walked her to the door, expecting her to say goodbye, but instead she smiled.

"Would you like to come in for a while?"


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor awoke, raising his head from the table in the library. He shook off the foggy feeling and wondered when he had fallen asleep. He had spent the rest of that evening at Donna's. They had just talked, and watched the telly.

Good time for him, despite the lack of running and danger. It was further proof that wherever Donna was there was fun to be found.

He stood and stretched. It was a little after midnight, and he had no plans to meet Donna tomorrow, so he could work the whole day.

Walking out of the library he found the kitchen. Normally he wouldn't have coffee, it tended to make him a bit on the overactive side, but that sounded good right now. Maybe he would take a scenic walk through his garden. There were a few species in the farthest reaches that might get his heart's pumping.

He added too much sugar, and wished Donna was there to tell him he was going to get cavities. They had more than one argument about that. Well, he said arguments; he didn't think either of them was really upset.

They just liked to disagree as much as they liked to agree. He would spout of facts about superior biology; she would call him some names.

Then they would both pretend to be mad for a couple of minutes, and then start laughing. It was usually him that broke first. Even though he knew Donna was only pretending he didn't like the silence, and her pretend angry face made him chuckle every time.

He gulped down the liquid, without waiting for it too cool much, and laid the cup in the sink. He was getting a collection of them, and he had been putting off washing them. It wasn't hard, he just was holding out hope that Donna would be back soon. Then they could do it together.

Then he decided dishes might not be a good welcome home present, and he set about washing them. He asked the TARDIS to turn on some music, and he wasn't surprised to hear one of Donnas' favorite bands start to leak through the speakers.

For such a woman of fire, she had such a soft spot for mushy love music. He swallowed hard, and was a little worried when he found himself singing along. When had he learned the words? Sure, he had an amazing memory, but these were love songs.

Donna broke him.

What was next, thinking of flowers, and buying her chocolate heats? Although she did enjoy chocolate.

Oh….wasn't it enough he was willing to stay on Earth, why did he have to go and turn into one of those romantic men? He had a reputation to maintain. He heard the chuckle and just sighed.

She was worth it. Donna was worth it.

The music followed him to the garden. He walked around the pond, taking a turn into the part that turned more into a jungle than a garden. Inside he heard a low growl.

"Frank?"

He looked around for the Lingo Leopard. He might have wanted to get his blood pumping but he didn't really want to be eaten. That seemed like it would hurt his chances with Donna.

He heard the leap, but didn't have time to move before he was tackled. Frank was above him, using only one paw to hold him down. His tongue was out, panting. Fortunately it seemed like the TARDIS had taken care of making sure Frank was full before the Doctor made his way here.

He was fairly certain the TARDIS was calling him a dumbo.

Frank licked his cheek. A furious killer when hungry- although the Doctor wasn't sure he would be able to kill him anyway- a playful cat when full. The Doctor had taken Frank on board when he was just a kitten.

He patted the large head, and was rewarded with another trail of slobber up his cheek. He gave the big animal a shove, and at least his hearts were pumping. Between that and the coffee he felt ready to get back to work.

He sat up and chatted with the animal for a few more minutes, because he didn't visit as often as he should. Frank had company out here, other animal refuges, but it was nice for him to have contact. Helped him remember who was and was not on the menu.

When Donna came back, and she was coming back, he was going to bring her here. They would get along just fine.

When he finally stood to leave, he heard a low whine.

He vowed to come back soon, hoping there was some sort of understanding between words and growls. A translation of sorts, and he walked away.

Frank stayed in the jungle, but the Doctor could feel his eyes on his back the entire time. He made his way back to the library, asking for a change in the music. It was just another CD about love and he was singing along to this one too.

It might be best there was no one around; because he was fairly sure they would be laughing at him.

He chose to ignore that, and returned to his book. He stood at first, not wanting to give his brain a chance to claim that sleep was important. He thought it might just be his way of seeing Donna, because he should have made up for that month by now.

He worked for two more hours before the TARDIS hummed. He looked up, stretched the kink out of his back, and took another walk.

When he let her, the TARDIS did a good job of reminding him to take care of himself.

Though he kept this walk short, returning to his work when she would open the library door again. He thought he might be close to finding the answer. He might be days away from having Donna back, and there was so much he wanted to show her.


	9. Chapter 9

The Doctor had fallen asleep again, but it hadn't been for long. He had been thinking of Donna and he had simply closed his eyes for a moment.

Donna had occupied his dreams again, as she had so often, even before he had to leave her on Earth. She was his everything, even in the deepest corners of his mind.

He awoke with a start, his pocket vibrating and a tune breaking through the silence in the library. It took a moment to realize that it was the mobile phone that he had purchased. He didn't have to look to know who was calling; he had only given his number to one woman.

"Hello," he said. His tone came out a little sleepy, and he tried to clear his throat subtly.

"Hello, John," Donna said.

He felt his hearts increase in speed at just the sound of her voice. He tried to keep himself under control. He made a quick check of the time, and realized it was evening.

"How are you?" he asked her.

He reached up and tugged on his free ear, and wondered why she was calling. Not that he minded at all, even her voice was better than any dream he could ever have.

There was a pause, and he looked down at the table before him. He had books spread out as far as he could see, and he thought at some point the TARDIS must have lengthened the table for him.

And he thought he had a solution. Maybe not the best one, as it came with a very clear risk, but it was something.

"I'm fine," she said, "are you busy tonight?"

He shook his head quickly before he remembered she couldn't actually see him. He said, "No, not busy. Not busy at all."

She chuckled into the phone, and he realized how eager he had probably seemed.

"Could I come over?"

Over? He panicked for a moment, looking around the TARDIS. Then he remembered where the TARDIS was and agreed. He gave her directions and she hung up with a very sweet 'see you soon'.

Soon would never be soon enough.

He made his way to the bathroom, Donnas not his own, and looked in the mirror. He still was a little more pale than normal, but he looked much better overall.

He estimated he had about twenty minutes, even if she left at once, so he hoped into the shower.

Scrubbing away the day, he rushed through. When he left the bathroom he found a pair of jeans and a simple t- shirt on the bed. Apparently the TARDIS had taken the liberty of picking out clothes for him.

He wished he could say that it was the first time, but really the TARDIS often mothered him. He liked to pretend he didn't need it, but they both knew the truth.

He tried to get dressed without drying properly, but she hummed her disapproval. He could hear her tell him to calm down, and that he still had time.

He grunted and picked the towel back up from where he left it on the floor. He patted his body again, before reaching for the clothes. This time it seemed she was satisfied and he dressed quickly.

He left his old clothes in her room, and padded out of her room heading to the console room. He probably only had minutes to spare, but he really needed to make his flat looked a little lived in.

There was no way Donna was going to believe he was really that tidy.

He grabbed a stack of books that were now by the door, and left the TARDIS with a gentle thought of thanks.

He locked the door behind him, and set about making the rooms look used. He started with the kitchen, throwing a clean bowl in the sink, and then spread the books in the living room.

He tried to ignore the titles as he spread them on the coffee table.

His TARDIS, never let it be said she knew how to keep her nose out of other people's business. Well, he said nose, she obviously didn't have one. Still, she meddled.

She missed Donna too, and that must have been why she had taken several of Donna's favorite books and put them by the door.

Hopefully Donna wouldn't notice, and if she did, maybe she wouldn't think it too odd. He ran to the bedroom, which held a bed that had never been slept in.

He threw back the neat covers and then tossed them back up. It was still made, just a little more sloppily.

He heard the knock on his door, and knew that this was going to have to do. He stepped back out, walking to his door, satisfied with his work.

He answered it, opening it to Donna who was smiling. She was holding a pizza, and the warm scent reached his nose. His stomach growled loudly, and Donna laughed softly.

It was the most beautiful music to his ears, better than any symphony in the universe.

"Come in," he said, moving out of the way.

"Glad I brought food," she said, still smiling, knowingly.

He hadn't really eaten much today, but then again, he didn't often think of what he needed. Not when someone wasn't around to remind him.

That was just another thing he missed about Donna. Since the day she had stepped aboard she seemed to make it her mission to make sure he never went hungry.

There was always a stocked kitchen and plenty of cakes and desserts to keep him going.

Even now, without even knowing what she was doing, she was taking care of him. Tears filled his eyes, and he realized she was watching him.

He cursed his emotions and tried to blink them back.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Her voice was so tender he walked over to her and pulled her into a hug.

Right there, in his arms, is where he wanted her to stay forever. If he had his choice they would never move. Then his stomach growled again, and she pulled away.

"John?"

He let her go, and was glad that she didn't seem to mind the embrace. He made a note to pull her to him again, as soon as he could.

She smelled like home, like everything that he had ever loved. She smelled like red grass, and two suns, and everything he had ever wanted to keep but lost. That was Donna, all warm, and everything.

"I'm okay," he told her, kissing her lips for only a second.

It was perfect and he knew that he was close to getting addicted. Maybe it was better he hadn't really done that before she had to leave, because he didn't know how he would have let her go then.

She smiled and followed his lead, by sitting on the couch. They made small talk, and she commented on his taste in books. He tried to brush it off and she let him do it.

She had always known when to push, and when to let it go. Always. They watched telly, and he could see her dropping. He realized it was getting later in the evening.

He could hardly let her drive home like that, what kind of man would he be?

But he didn't think he could ask her to stay, and it come out sounding innocent.

"Donna?"

She looked up at him, from her place in his arms. He had pulled her there as the first show had started and she had nuzzled in. He had tried to keep her head over his left heart, and if she noticed anything amiss she didn't say.

"Yeah?"

Did she look hopeful? He swallowed hard and asked, "Do you want to stay?"


	10. Chapter 10

Donna looked up into his warm brown eyes, and she knew that staying probably wasn't a good idea. She should really just go home, because rushing into the bedroom seemed like it might upset the delicate balance they had fallen into.

But he looked so hopeful, so innocent, and she felt like saying no would only hurt him. He looked lost even in this moment, and she found herself agreeing.

"Sure," she said, and his smile that answered was one of the most beautiful things she had seen in her whole life.

"Good," he said, and swallowed hard.

She removed her head off his chest, thinking that it sounded different than a normal human might. It almost sounded like there was an echo, but that would be impossible. Probably she was just getting too tired to think straight.

He was shifting nervously, and she wondered what he was expecting to happen? When he started to look like maybe he was going to bolt on her, she reached out and gentle touched his face, turning him to look at her. There were tears in his eyes now, and she pulled him into a hug.

She couldn't understand the emotions that seemed to roll through this man from time to time, and he didn't seem interested in talking. But when she held him, he nuzzled into neck, and seemed to breathe her in. If this was all the comfort she could give him, if it was all he would take, then she was willing.

She was falling for him, hard and fast.

"John" she said, softly. "Are you okay?"

He wasn't sobbing, she wasn't even sure if he was actually crying, but he was trembling slightly.

"Yes," he spoke to her neck. "Can we go to bed?"

He sounded like a child in that moment, too tired, and so young. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle him, and she thought maybe that was what he needed as well.

"Yes, love," she whispered, "let's go."

She helped him stand, he seemed reluctant to let her go, and she led him to what she hoped was the bedroom. When she opened the door to the correct room, and turned on the light she took in the simple furnishings.

There was a bed, wrinkled but made. A pair of shoes tossed in the corner, and a suit jacket tossed over the back of the chair. There were a few books on the desk, but they had been staked up and other than that it looked pretty unused.

He was watching her; she realized when her gaze came back to him. His eyes were dry, but he seemed exhausted. He was fidgeting again, and she couldn't say why, but she understood that her opinion mattered to him. Greatly.

She smiled at him, and his shy smile was a good enough reward. She led him to the bed, and helped him shed his clothing. He let her, only looking mildly embarrassed.

"Come on," Donna instructed, "into bed with you."

He obeyed at once, and she had an odd flash that felt like a memory. She was in a different room in the vision, but he was there. He was shaking badly, and kept saying something about feeling trapped. She led him to bed, and undressed him, just as she had done now. She laid him down, and just held him while he shook.

"Donna?" John asked.

She looked down to see his hand in hers; he was rubbing hers gently with his thumb. She sucked in a breath, blew it out in a long exhale and smiled at him. It had felt so real, but then everything about him seemed somehow familiar

"Are you okay?" he asked, starting to rise from where he was sitting. "What's wrong, Donna? Talk to me, please."

It took a long moment before her mouth reconnected to her mind but she finally was able to say, "I'm all right. Can we just sleep tonight?"

She didn't know if she expected him to look disappointed but he didn't. He just nodded, and then he was helping her undress. He found her a long shirt, bigger than she thought he would wear but it fit her fine. He was soon tucking her in, and it seemed that she had become the one that needed the helping hand.

She couldn't explain what had happened, or why it rattled her so, but she was thankful that he was there.

DW

The Doctor held Donna in his arms, her breathing slow and even. He had been exhausted, pretending to be human, and the emotional rollercoaster he was constantly ridding was wearing on him. Then she had the vision, or he had it, he couldn't be sure. But he had seen what she had. While she seemed to try to brush it off, he knew that memory well.

He had just come back to the TARDIS after his ordeal on Midnight, and Donna had been murmuring soothing words the whole walk back to the TARDIS. He had just gotten them into the vortex when he started trembling, and Donna was right there.

He had never needed someone so much as he needed his fiery headed friend. He should have put on a brave face, pretended that nothing ever bothered him, but he didn't have to do it with Donna.

She had led him to her bedroom; she had laid with him, and spoke softly. She sung until her voice was hoarse and rocked him until he couldn't cry another tear. And when he had finally slept, she had fought off every nightmare.

In the morning he had expected some sort of joke at his expense, but he should have known better. Donna had made breakfast, and brought it to him in bed. He had looked at her over his toast, and knew for a fact that he was in love.

He looked down at her now, in the darkness. He held her tighter, and he never wanted to let her go. She belonged in his arms; she was his, as he was hers.

He finally closed his eyes, it was nearly dawn. He wanted to kiss her, touch her body, and make love to her. He wanted to show her that she was everything to him, over and over. But that would come. He needed her heart first, that was what he was here searching for. What he was trying to earn. He loved her, and he would tread carefully.

"Doctor?" Donnas' voice crashed over him.

His eyes flew open.


	11. Chapter 11

She had been dreaming, of a wonderful world with dark pink skies and a large meadow filled with yellow flowers that giggled when you ran through them. She had her hand in John's, only that wasn't his name…not here.

Here he was called something else, a name that inspired fear in some and hope in others. She knew above that sky was other planets with other skies, and this man knew them by name. He wanted to show her them one by one, and she wanted to see them all.

In this dream, that she somehow understood was also reality, he was called the Doctor, and he was the man that she loved but couldn't tell.

"Doctor?" she gasped, rising from her dream.

She saw John above her, and the dream was fading rapidly. He was looking down at her, his warm brown eyes visible in the dawn light that was filtering through his windows. She couldn't say what was making him worry at this moment, but she shifted suddenly leaning up to capture his lips.

He hummed from deep inside, and when she felt the wave of completion she knew that she wanted to do this every minute for the rest of her life. Her hands became tangled hair, and while he wasn't resisting her, she could sense some hesitation.

Donna knew that she should stop, she didn't want to push him into this, but for some reason she needed it desperately.

He didn't fight her as she deepened the kiss, and it seemed as if he finally decided to join in when his hands found her head. For a long while it was just lips, and tongues gently exploring each other's mouths. Then she pulled back for a breath, almost scared that if she stopped he would come to his senses. If he walked away now she didn't know how she would cope.

He held her head, hands cupping it so gently, thumbs brushing her skin making her tingle and burn at once.

"Are you sure, Donna?" he asked, sounding completely unsure of himself.

"Please," she said.

She couldn't explain the intense need to touch him, to be with him, but her head was beginning to ache, and she felt a hunger for him she couldn't ignore. She waited, breath trapped inside her lungs until he was leaning in again.

His lips touched hers, and she was drowning and swimming and a million experiences at once. Her head had never hurt so badly, but she didn't stop, if anything the hunger grew.

She needed something more, something inside him. She needed his mind, to be within his thoughts. Her brain needed more room, and she was reaching out to him in a way she couldn't understand or control.

But she understood if she stopped, she would die, and that wasn't an option.

DW

He kissed her fiercely, not letting her go now, not now that he was catching on. This isn't how he wanted this, but she needed him and he was going to be here for her. When she opened her eyes, they poured out a golden glowing light, but he could still see her behind them.

He wasn't going to lose her.

He could feel her mind scrabbling for his, and he dropped his every shield. It began to ache, but he concentrated on her peaceful presence, underneath the layers of burning energy. There she was, simply reaching out her hand, and he would never, ever, let her go again.

His hearts began to race, her mind filling his, expanding in its newly found room, stretching out. It hurt like hell, like he was the one that was burning, and maybe he was, but he still knew her skin was bare beneath his fingers.

He had known for a very long time that he would die for her, use up every last regeneration for her, and he thought the universe might have been calling in on his promise.

He found himself over her body, and when he dared to open his eyes the whole bedroom was filled with a light that was coming from her, or him, or both.

He pushed himself into her body, and she arched beneath him. For a moment, they were the universe, two minds coming together as two galaxies crashing together, and he knew that if they survived nothing would ever be the same.

His hearts were racing, his breath lost somewhere in the kisses, and this was most intense hunger he had ever known. This wasn't love, this was something that transcended definition and time itself, but he knew that she returned it, her mind rolling with his, fighting for control.

It was all his thoughts, from her perspective, and it made him dizzy and terrified him but he still moved within her.

It was exquisite agony, both pleasure and pain. He never wanted it to end, but he knew he couldn't take much more.

His body sought release, while his mind tried to rebuild shields, tried to get her back inside her own mind, minus his memories.

"Doctor," she whispered, her voice different, and too much, and not enough.

It pushed him over the edge, and he filled her body, and she was hot beneath him, and he was hot above her.

He stilled but inside his head he was still battling, trying to save them both, but he suspected he was losing. He thought this might be what experiencing forever all at once felt like, and he saw flashes in his mind.

It was everything he wanted to have with her that he suspected that he would never get now. He resigned that only one of them was going to make it out of this, and he stopped fighting her. She could have him; her mind could consume his if it meant that she would live, because she was what mattered. She had always been what mattered.

The glowing began to slink back to them, and he felt his hearts stutter inside his chest. He was there, but only just barely, moving to the back of his mind.

The only thing he wanted her to know is that he loved her more than he had ever loved anything. He pushed the thought out, told her he wouldn't have missed this for anything, and that he would do it a million times if given the chance.

He hoped she understood, hoped she knew what it meant when he gave her his name, when he left it as his final thought.

She was still beneath him, and if he could, he would have worried. All he could manage was to collapse on her body, and his minded faded away.


	12. Chapter 12

Donna was lost in a sea of confusion. Her head was filled with a lingering ache, but it was nothing compared to agony she had been in moments before. She felt different, and it wasn't just that she couldn't seem to remember what happened or even convince her eyes to open.

There was a weird echoy feeling in her chest, and there was a pressure on her body. She couldn't figure out what it was, or where she was, and it was beginning to make her panic. Finally, with extreme effort, she pulled her eyelids up.

She didn't recognize the room, at least not what she could see of it, and she looked down at her chest to see a large amount of hair. Her first thoughts were foggy and not completely logical, but they finally started to clear. This hair held a head below it, and beyond that a man's body.

She shifted a little…a naked man's body. Well, she knew what she was doing now. She reached her only free hand out, and ran it through the man's hair. She was surprised how warm his head was, and she wondered if maybe he was sick. Was that why he wasn't moving?

"Hey," she said, her voice sounded different to her ears, but she continued, worried about him. "Are you all right, mate?"

She didn't know his name, but when he failed to respond to her at all, she gave a big shove and he rolled off of her. It was actually quite easy, she moved easily, feeling younger than she had since her teens.

"Hey, Sunshine," she said, gently shaking him. She could see his chest rising and falling, so at least she knew he was alive. She reached out, seeking a pulse.

She felt a steady beat beneath her fingers, but somehow she understood that there was something wrong with it. It felt like it was missing something.

She couldn't decide what she should do? Should she call for help? Wait and see?

She decided to wait a moment or two, and slipped out of the bed, wrapping the sheet around herself. She was drawn to the door opposite of the room she was in, like she was being called there by something within it.

She shuffled over, reached out a cautious hand towards the handle. It turned beneath her palm, and she opened it slowly.

As she stepped into the dark room, she heard a gentle hum inside her head. It was like a song, that was too distant to make it all the way out, but its beauty was still evident.

She moved closer to the source, following something she couldn't explain. Her hand was before her, this room dark, and she hadn't turned on the light. She felt something with her fingers, and she felt a warm current flow from it to her.

She slid her hand down, finding first a lock and then a handle. She didn't have a key, but she was certain that it would open for her.

She pushed, and sure enough it gave. Pushing it all the way open her breath caught when she saw inside. It was huge, and bright, and for just a moment the agony in her head was back.

The humming grew louder, and she stepped inside. She didn't know this place, she didn't understand, but this was home. This was where she had been heading since her birth, what she was meant to do and be.

She swallowed, walking up the ramp, and reaching out touching the console. She was drawn in, something calling her closer and closer. Her mind worried it was a trap, but she couldn't stop her feet moving. Nothing mattered more in this moment.

She touched the closest lever, and there was a blinding light behind her eyes. It was white and hot, and she hit her knees hard. The grating was painful, but her mind was filled too much for it to matter.

She saw herself in a wedding dress, saw a giant spider. She saw a wasp, she saw and Ood and she understood what she was seeing. There was every memory that she had since she met the Doctor.

The Doctor! She struggled to her feet, fighting the wave of nausea that came with it. She stumbled out of the door, barely holding the sheet to her body. She made her way back to the room, the Doctor still in the same position that she had left him

She knew what had been missing when she had checked his pulse, there had only been one heart beating. She also knew that she had regenerated and he had tried to sacrifice himself to keep her alive. Stupid Martian.

Still, she owed him everything.

She reached him, pulling a shirt on, and then she pulled him into her arms. She could get used to this easy strength, and she hauled his too warm body up against hers. She moved him back to the TARDIS. She would have to address the circumstances that had brought her back, but not now.

Right now she needed to get the Doctor to the med bay, and she needed to get his other heart beating again.

She found the med bay quickly, and laid him on a table.

She programmed the bed to deliver a shock, and stepped away from him. She saw his body twitch, and then another beep, followed by another twitch. Then she heard the sound that confirmed it was beating again, both of them in a solid rhythm.

She found a cloth, and asked the TARDIS to cool the bed now, to help bring down his temperature. She rubbed the cool cloth over his face and chest, trying not to think about how naked he was. She had made love to the Doctor; the Doctor had come back to Earth to help her.

She remembered every minute of her time with him, with him pretending to be John Smith. She remembered his lips on hers, and how she had never felt better in her life.

"Come on, Spaceman," she whispered. "Sleep is a waste of time, remember."

She would have given anything for him to chuckle, but she was greeted only with silence.

"Is he going to be okay?" she asked, directing her question to the TARDIS.

She received an affirmative, but understood that it was going to take some time for his mind to heal. He had regeneration energy running through him, and he had controlled the flow to save her life. It had been hard on his body, but he would heal.

Now that he was home, now that she was home, everything was going to be okay.

She was feeling very tired, and suspected the TARDIS was trying to get her to lay down with the Doctor. Her eyelids were heavy but she managed to grab a blanket, and climb up next to him. She pulled him into her arms, and held him close.

She concentrated on his hearts beating, and how they seemed to beat in time with hers. She let sleep overtake her, knowing that soon she would have her spaceman back. Soon that incomplete song would have its other singer.

Soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This one is real short, just to finish up the story. I hope you all enjoyed, I liked writing this one. I always enjoying giving the Doctor and Donna the ending they should have had.**

He awoke wrapped in someone's embrace. It took a long time before the fog cleared and he realized whose arms they were. Donna was alive! And so was he, which was a great improvement over the alternative. He had been willing to sacrifice himself for her, and he had thought that he had.

"Welcome back," Donna said, her voice cascading down over him.

He shifted, moving until he could look up into her eyes.

"I think I could say the same for you," he said with a small smile.

She gave a slight nod before she said, "You're an idiot you know."

He pursed his lips and nodded. "Yes, I am. What for this time?"

She actually laughed, and he felt relief. He had a bad feeling this conversation was working its way to a slap, and while he knew that he deserved it, it wasn't what he wanted. His head still held a dull ache, what with sacrificing himself for the love of his life.

He almost mentioned that to her, thinking she couldn't slap him then, but decided against it. He would use it later, when she had forgiven him for this. There was going to be some point in the future he would do something else completely stupid, and he could pull the whole saved your life card then.

"If you would have waited five minutes before you stole my memories, or rather hid them, the TARDIS would have stabilized my regeneration."

He thought about it. Yeah, he supposed that might have worked. But at the time he was frazzled and thinking about losing her life and he knew that he couldn't have done that.

"Oh," he said, softly.

He moved so he could sit up, and took her hand into his. He looked into her eyes, and tried to make her see why he had done what he had done.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I couldn't lose you, Donna. I know I probably wasn't thinking clearly, but I love you, and I couldn't do that."

Donnas face softened, and he felt like maybe she would forgive him for their month of torture.

"I know that, thank you," Donna said. "I love you too, Doctor. I never dreamed that you would feel anything for me, though. Not after…"

She left it unsaid; still trying to respect the memory, but the Doctor understood that's all it was now. Just a memory, of a girl he loved, but had lost. What he had found was better, deeper, more.

"Not after Rose, "the Doctor said. "Oh, Donna. I've been a bigger idiot then you can even know. I've loved you for so long, and I just let you believe that I couldn't love anyone else. I didn't want to get hurt again, but hiding didn't stop the pain."

She smiled at him. "You're my idiot."

She said it proudly, like she was glad. It made him happier than he had ever dreamed it was possible.

"Always, and you're my Donna," the Doctor said. "You're not mad about the whole John Smith thing?"

She sat there for a moment, and he knew that she was thinking. "No, maybe I should be, but I'm not. How can I be mad that my Spaceman was determined to stay on Earth, just for me?"

He smiled, and said, "I would have stayed forever, but this is much better."

She agreed, and he led her to the bedroom, where they made love until they couldn't keep their eyes open. He held her, his mind in that place just before sleep. He was so happy. They were going to have to talk to her Mum, and tell her. He could only hope that they would be happy for Donna.

Donna was going to have to quit her job, and get rid of her flat, but they would be together for all of that. Then, when it all was settled, they would fly the TARDIS anywhere. Everywhere. And this time, when he landed, and reached for her hand…she would be there.

Forever.


End file.
